Thursday, August 28, 2008 | 3:15 AM
PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I’m afraid to take off though
None of them is me.
Pretending is an art that is good and second nature with me.
But don’t be fooled,for God’s sake, don’t be fooled.
I gave you the impression that I’m secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
That water’s calm and I’m in command,
And that I NEED NO ONE.
Please don't believe me. Please
My face may seem smooth but my surface is a mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear,
in aloneness.
But I hide this; I don’t want anybody to know
I panic at the thought of being exposed
That is why I frantically create a mask behind
A nonchalant, sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only salvation.
And I know it.
It is followed by acceptance, it is followed by love.
It is the only thing that can liberate me from myself.
From my own self-built prison wall,
From the barriers that I painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that can assure me of what
I can’t assure of myself, that I’m really worth something
But I don’t tell you this, I don’t dare.
I’M AFRAID TO.
I’m afraid that your glance will not be followed
By acceptance and love.
I’m afraid that you will think less of me, that you’ll laugh,
And your laugh will kill me.
I’m afraid that deep down, I am nothing,
that I’m just no good,
And you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
With façade of assurance without a trembling child within
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you, in the suave tone of surface talk
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
And nothing of what’s everything,
Of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
Do not be fooled by what I am saying.
PLEASE LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY AND TRY TO HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING What I’d like to be say,
What for survival I need to say,
But what I cannot say…
I DISLIKE HIDING.
Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game that I’m playing,
The superficial phoney game…
I’d like to be really genuine and spontaneous and ME.
But you have to help me.
Please. Please.
